Tag Archives: you

On the mend

25 Jul

bette-davis-heartbreak-love-pain-quote-text-Favim_com-60040
It has been a while since I last thought of you.
I like it this way.
I think maybe this time round, I really am over you.

Honestly, there was a point in time where I thought I would never get over you.
That was how intense my feelings were.

And then one fine day, you broke my heart.

Consciously or otherwise, it was a good thing for me.

Sure, it hurt.
I spent days typing messages to you, and then deleting them before I could hit the ‘Send’ button.
I spent nights crying in the shower, nights crying in bed whenever I thought of you.
There were days where I’d break down on my way to work because I saw someone who reminded me of you.
I cried watching White House Down because I knew if I was in that situation, I could never rely on you to save me (not that I’d ever be..).

But eventually, all that crying has to stop.
I can only afford so much tears.
I got tired of crying, and of being miserable.

The moment I decided not to cry anymore, my body started mending the broken parts.
It started looking for distractions that I never knew existed, or appealed to me.
I think its amazing how the human brain works.

Slowly, you started fading from my thoughts as it shifted to other things that made me happy instead.

I think of you occasionally.
I do.
I did.
I still do.

If you’ve ever really loved anyone before, you’d know that it it impossible to completely erase him or her from your memories.

Nor is it possible to completely forget the pain once the memories come back.

But its ok.

Pain changes people.

Outwardly everything is still the same but deep within, something is happening.
I’m not sure if its good or bad yet.

Either way, I’m not complaining.

I like changes.
Always did.

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3 Little Words

1 May

helene klimt
I think they are over-rated.
Definately over-rated.
I mean, I haven’t said it for a very long time because I couldn’t find anyone to say it to.

And yes, even though I think it’s over rated, that doesn’t mean I don’t think it means something.

It takes a lot of courage to say those 3 little words.

They are like the windows to my soul, those words.
Windows that have been closed because the wind hurt me with their cold harsh ways.
So you see, I’m really just following my nature instincts here to protect myself.
And if you are interested to know, it really does take a while to open up a window that has been jammed shut.

Ask any one who has had the privillege of trying to pry a stuck window open.
It takes time, and not to mention, effort.

So don’t rush me, give me so time.

I can’t, and don’t know how to say them easily.
Its like I have a nature aversion to them – I start stuttering, my tongue gets thick, my palms get sweaty and I feel sick in general.

You get the picture.

I can see how disappointed you are whenever you think “this is it! That’s when she’s gonna say it!”, and I don’t.

Yes, I can see that.. how your little glimmer of hope fades away as I try and change topics.
As time goes by, I see that glimmer less and less, I didn’t know what to think of it other than you giving me time to sort my thoughts out.

I have taken some time, and worked my kinks out, and I’m finally ready to say it.

I love you.

There.
I’ve said it – I love you, more than I expected to actually.

And I’ve started pacing the room, clutching my phone anxiously, waiting for your response.

Nothing came.

This. Was. Not. Suppose. To. Happen.

I half expected to ‘hear’ you smileacross the virtual sea at my acknowledgement of my own feelings, but nothing of that sort happened.

You were not supposed cajole these words out of me, and refuse to acknowledge them!

What am I suppose to do now??

Disappointment was starting to kick in, so did dread and anxiety.

The phone was now my arch enemy for the silence it perpetuates.

I laid down in bed, exhausted from all the pacing, anticipating and eventual disappointment.

A few hours later, the enemy finally gives in and rings with an incoming text –

🙂 I know, I love you too..

I smell like..

18 Apr

image

I smell like crumpled, well slept, well broken in sheets,
Warm, comfortable and welcoming.

I smell like fresh laundry,
Crisp and clean.

I smell like the morning sun,
Warm and full of vitality.

I smell like morning dew,
Gentle, fragile yet refreshing.

I smell like you,
Strong, masculine – everything I’m not.

I smell like you,
Sweet and salty and everything in between.

I smell like you,
Because…

If we ever meet again

8 Mar

winter_silhouette

How long has it been since we last met?
Was it just last spring that we went on our separate ways?
Has it been a year already? How fast time flies..

Do you still remember the summer we spent together?
We laid on the beach all day drinking beer and partied the night away.
It was the best summer I’ve ever had.
I think it was the memory of having had so much fun with you that made it so memorable.

I don’t think I’d ever be able to replicate that feeling ever again.

Winter is my favourite time of the year, you know how much I love having the cold biting wind against my face, my skin.
It wakes me up and clears my mind.
What was winter like this time?
Was it as cold as the last one we spent together, standing out in the cold watching in awe as snow fell and our faces froze?

autumn-central-park-couple-silhouette-Favim_com-198964

And autumn!
Oh how I always forget autumn..!
Autumn is transitional.
A movement from the sultry warm nights of summer to the delicate yet harsh nights of winter.
Autumn, has always been a season of change for me, of renewal – the start of a long wintery death (of sorts).
Autumn was pensive for both you and I, as though we were anticipating a certain end.

How have you been?
I heard you got married, I would never have thought you for one to marry this soon..
To the same girl you wanted freedom from no less!

I have so much to tell you, so much I want you to know.
But it all seems so inappropriate now.

If we ever meet again,
I’d like to wish you all the happiness I can give.
But I think perhaps, its better if we don’t.
At least that way, I’d get to keep the memories the way I want to remember them.

I hope you are happy.
Hopefully I’ll find my own happiness (without you) soon.

Sincerely.

我要的爱其使很简单

28 Feb

'In the Mood for Love' Movie Stills

我觉得自己很傻,喜欢上了一个会喜欢上自己的男人。
你就一至就只把我当好朋友看待, 是我自己不知不觉中喜欢上你。

不, 这不是你的错, 只是命运鍣弄人吧。

每当看见你时, 我的心都反付不属于自己。
不知所措, 不知道到了哪里去。
我的魂都到了你那去。

我明知道这是不可能的, 但是我没办法控自己。

这是场残局; 它只会以悲剧收场。

那场悲剧将会已我的泪收场。

说到你的时候我经常以泪洗脸。

我们的相识是场噩运。

你走的那天, 我一直在等你的电话。
但它一直都没来。
我就只能痴痴的等,心里难过的很但是却不能说。
我要和谁说?
有谁能明白我心里的伤?

看见你和她那么幸福, 我的心里不知不觉起了一阵阵的痛。

我只能对自己说“你快乐,我也快乐。”

其使我不需要很多, 只要你偶而的短讯问好或告诉我你今天过的好不好, 我就心满意足了。

我的其使要的简单不是吗?

我要的只是一场简简单单的爱。

一场属于我的爱。

我只是不小心爱上了不应该爱的你。

Tell me a story

7 Feb

klimt_danaeCome here,
Lie next to me.
Tell me a story,
and hold my hand.

Tell me your story,
That I don’t already know.
About your past, the present and your future too.

Tell me about that time,
When you were young,
You climbed a tree and broke your tooth.

About the girl,
Who broke your heart,
And made you so.

Sing me the song,
That makes your heart sing,
That makes you tear,
And makes you weak.

Tell me your dreams,
Your hopes and pain.

I know,
I maybe not be that one to see them through.
But on the very least,
Let me share them with you.

I know,
I will not always be in your heart.
But for now,
Give me that little space and let me in.

Let me lie here with you,
Just for the moment.

Tell me a story,
A story about you.
True or false,
It doesn’t matter,
As long as the story is from you.

How we forget

25 Jan

staircase
 

You start innocently enough, forgetting how his skin feels under your finger tips.

You forget the contours of his face, his body and the textures of his skin.

You forget the warmth and the scent he leaves behind whenever you touch.

The scent so strong, it makes you relive each moment you’ve spent together in vivid memory.

But soon and eventually, you will begin to lose that scent.

You will forget if he smells of musk or leather.
Or was it sandlewood and cigerettes?

His scent will escape your memories, slowly but eventually.

You start to forget the colour of his eyes – a colour so vivid, you never had any problem remembering them before.

Was it a light playful shade of brown or that seductive shade of green you love?

The colours are meshing, they no longer stand out.
Its getting harder and harder to recall each day.

Soon enough, they look like empty spaces to you.

The last thing you’d forget is his name, his voice.

The name that brings a torrid of emotions.
They haunt you like ghosts of a distant past.

You will begin to forget how smoothly his name rolls off your tongue, off his.

You will learn to forget.

Because that’s what time does to people and their memories.

It slowly eats away and leaves you with nothing but hazy memories of what used to be.

And eventually, even that would fade too.

Leaving you to wonder what is it that you were trying to hold on to for so long.

Hi there! I’m your stalker

25 Oct

I can’t help it really, I am a highly curious creature and I am very curious about you.

I’m starting to think that perhaps I’m curious because I know nothing about you.

What kind of person are you in private?

What do you do when you are in company of close friends?

What are you like when you are in your family’s company?

What goes thru your mind when you receive a text from me?

You are the first name I think of when I’m bored.

That one name I look for in my chat list and/or facebook.

I often imagine scenarios where I would hang ard places that you might frequent and pretend to bump into you ‘accidentally’.

I send u random things at whim just to gauge your response and how available you are.

That, and also because I am random by nature.

I really don’t believe in plans.

Except when I’m planning a stakeout in my head, involving you.

Yes, I sound like a stalker, and I probably am.

And you are the unfortunate target of my stalking until I find someone else more interesting.

I’d like to think of it as a compliment.

I’m only stalking you because you are interesting.

I’m stalking you because you are so different from me and the people around me.

I stalk you because I like you enough to want to invest time and effort to do so.

Or maybe I’m just bored.

But don’t worry about it, I’m not going all cuckoo yet.

Yet.
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Questions/things I would like for you and I to know more about you

21 Sep

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Questions I would like for you and I to know more about you was actually a list of 25 questions a friend of mine made me answer years ago.

We were suppose to exchange the list once we were done but somehow both copies are still with me..haha!

Rereading the list has bought back quite a bit of memories THUS I’ve decided to post the all questions here!

So people please bear with me as I post the remaining 19 questions over the next few days..!

Its been 7years since I last saw the list, so the answers have been updated as well.

Please feel free to repost the questions if you’d like.. 🙂

Cheers & with love,
Panalyah