Tag Archives: think

On the mend

25 Jul

bette-davis-heartbreak-love-pain-quote-text-Favim_com-60040
It has been a while since I last thought of you.
I like it this way.
I think maybe this time round, I really am over you.

Honestly, there was a point in time where I thought I would never get over you.
That was how intense my feelings were.

And then one fine day, you broke my heart.

Consciously or otherwise, it was a good thing for me.

Sure, it hurt.
I spent days typing messages to you, and then deleting them before I could hit the ‘Send’ button.
I spent nights crying in the shower, nights crying in bed whenever I thought of you.
There were days where I’d break down on my way to work because I saw someone who reminded me of you.
I cried watching White House Down because I knew if I was in that situation, I could never rely on you to save me (not that I’d ever be..).

But eventually, all that crying has to stop.
I can only afford so much tears.
I got tired of crying, and of being miserable.

The moment I decided not to cry anymore, my body started mending the broken parts.
It started looking for distractions that I never knew existed, or appealed to me.
I think its amazing how the human brain works.

Slowly, you started fading from my thoughts as it shifted to other things that made me happy instead.

I think of you occasionally.
I do.
I did.
I still do.

If you’ve ever really loved anyone before, you’d know that it it impossible to completely erase him or her from your memories.

Nor is it possible to completely forget the pain once the memories come back.

But its ok.

Pain changes people.

Outwardly everything is still the same but deep within, something is happening.
I’m not sure if its good or bad yet.

Either way, I’m not complaining.

I like changes.
Always did.

Advertisements

Sleep baby, sleep

11 Jun

image

Sleep baby, sleep.
Stop thinking about it.

Easier said than done, sweetheart.
My mind refuses to stop working.

What are you thinking about?
Who are you thinking about?
Where is your mind heading?

I don’t know.
I’m trying to find my peace.

I’m tired, I want to sleep.
But I can’t.

Why can’t you sleep?
Where did your peace go?

I don’t know.
I’m trying to figure it out too.
I don’t know where I last left it.

You need to rest, sweetheart.
Leave your worries at the door,
Close your eyes.

I’m trying, I’m trying.

Think of your blanket of stars,
Shinning in the darkest sky.

Of the cool salty sea breeze,
Rustling your hair.

Of the fresh sun drenched grass, Beneath your hands.

And of the soft warm sand,
between your toes.

Close your eyes and think of those.

Find that peace, and go to sleep.

I’m trying sweetheart, I’m really trying.

Maybe it’s me, not you

24 Sep

image

It’s a strange thing really.

I think of you a lot. I’m often wondering what our future will be like together, the bloody awesome things we could be up to together.

The future seems infinite and really exciting.

You were worldly, sophisticated, intelligent and charming. I loved listening to you; every conversation was a learning lesson that led to a discussion and further exploration.

You were that flint, that spark of intellectual challenge I needed badly.
With you, I unlearned my self imposed restrictions and learnt to set my mind free.

You made me a better version of myself.

But things seemed to have changed recently. You’ve become more reclusive, less accommodating and more angst. What happened to your worldly-ness and sophistication?

You seemed to have stopped looking forward and expect the world to revolve around you.

Everything annoys you nowadays.
You think everyone is one level below you; me included. You have an explanation for every phenomenon we see when sometimes, all I want is to appreciate it’s beauty and wonder for what it is.

That awe and wonder I have is what keeps my faith in humanity.

And all I want to do is to admire it quietly, respectfully. Nothing else.

Some things are better left ambigious don’t you think? It makes it all the more amazing and charming, don’t you agree? 

Sometimes I feel like I don’t know you anymore. You taught me not to be a cynic and yet, you are gradually becoming one.

You said you appreciated my independence, but now you seem to want me to be something else.

Our conversations and discussions of the past, have become a thing of the past.

What happened to you?

I know I’m still in love with you, yet at times I don’t.

It’s almost like you are no longer the person I fell in love with.

image

Maybe I’ve outgrown you.

Maybe it’s just me, and not you.

Maybe is such a dirty, hopeful yet ambiguous word.

I don’t like maybes.