Tag Archives: calm

On the mend

25 Jul

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It has been a while since I last thought of you.
I like it this way.
I think maybe this time round, I really am over you.

Honestly, there was a point in time where I thought I would never get over you.
That was how intense my feelings were.

And then one fine day, you broke my heart.

Consciously or otherwise, it was a good thing for me.

Sure, it hurt.
I spent days typing messages to you, and then deleting them before I could hit the ‘Send’ button.
I spent nights crying in the shower, nights crying in bed whenever I thought of you.
There were days where I’d break down on my way to work because I saw someone who reminded me of you.
I cried watching White House Down because I knew if I was in that situation, I could never rely on you to save me (not that I’d ever be..).

But eventually, all that crying has to stop.
I can only afford so much tears.
I got tired of crying, and of being miserable.

The moment I decided not to cry anymore, my body started mending the broken parts.
It started looking for distractions that I never knew existed, or appealed to me.
I think its amazing how the human brain works.

Slowly, you started fading from my thoughts as it shifted to other things that made me happy instead.

I think of you occasionally.
I do.
I did.
I still do.

If you’ve ever really loved anyone before, you’d know that it it impossible to completely erase him or her from your memories.

Nor is it possible to completely forget the pain once the memories come back.

But its ok.

Pain changes people.

Outwardly everything is still the same but deep within, something is happening.
I’m not sure if its good or bad yet.

Either way, I’m not complaining.

I like changes.
Always did.

Sleep baby, sleep

11 Jun

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Sleep baby, sleep.
Stop thinking about it.

Easier said than done, sweetheart.
My mind refuses to stop working.

What are you thinking about?
Who are you thinking about?
Where is your mind heading?

I don’t know.
I’m trying to find my peace.

I’m tired, I want to sleep.
But I can’t.

Why can’t you sleep?
Where did your peace go?

I don’t know.
I’m trying to figure it out too.
I don’t know where I last left it.

You need to rest, sweetheart.
Leave your worries at the door,
Close your eyes.

I’m trying, I’m trying.

Think of your blanket of stars,
Shinning in the darkest sky.

Of the cool salty sea breeze,
Rustling your hair.

Of the fresh sun drenched grass, Beneath your hands.

And of the soft warm sand,
between your toes.

Close your eyes and think of those.

Find that peace, and go to sleep.

I’m trying sweetheart, I’m really trying.

I’d like to think that you missed me too

27 Oct

Sit down, clear your head.

You are going to hyperventilate if you go on like this.

Sit down. Calm down. Let it go..

If it makes you feel better to cry, then let it all out. No one’s going to judge you.

They don’t know how tough it has been to pretend being on a happy high when you really are tearing up inside.

It may feel like there isn’t an end to all your problems, but just trust yourself a little. You know you will make it through.

You were a born fighter.

You still are.

For now, just breath and let it go.

If the thought of it agonises you; ignore it and push it as far back as you can.

It’s not a permanent solution but it’s the best I can manage now.

I’m really just trying to get by, one day at a time.

Ignoring the little things that remind me of you.

Trying hard to calm my senses so they don’t over react when I do think of you.

It’s working, really.

Just very slowly.

Times when you say you missed me, I would like to think it’s true.

I would like to think that perhaps this isn’t one sided, and that you really did miss me too. 

Because I’m starting to find myself disgusting.

I’m trying not to go down that path.
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