Archive | July, 2013

On the mend

25 Jul

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It has been a while since I last thought of you.
I like it this way.
I think maybe this time round, I really am over you.

Honestly, there was a point in time where I thought I would never get over you.
That was how intense my feelings were.

And then one fine day, you broke my heart.

Consciously or otherwise, it was a good thing for me.

Sure, it hurt.
I spent days typing messages to you, and then deleting them before I could hit the ‘Send’ button.
I spent nights crying in the shower, nights crying in bed whenever I thought of you.
There were days where I’d break down on my way to work because I saw someone who reminded me of you.
I cried watching White House Down because I knew if I was in that situation, I could never rely on you to save me (not that I’d ever be..).

But eventually, all that crying has to stop.
I can only afford so much tears.
I got tired of crying, and of being miserable.

The moment I decided not to cry anymore, my body started mending the broken parts.
It started looking for distractions that I never knew existed, or appealed to me.
I think its amazing how the human brain works.

Slowly, you started fading from my thoughts as it shifted to other things that made me happy instead.

I think of you occasionally.
I do.
I did.
I still do.

If you’ve ever really loved anyone before, you’d know that it it impossible to completely erase him or her from your memories.

Nor is it possible to completely forget the pain once the memories come back.

But its ok.

Pain changes people.

Outwardly everything is still the same but deep within, something is happening.
I’m not sure if its good or bad yet.

Either way, I’m not complaining.

I like changes.
Always did.

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The breakdown of a relationship

1 Jul

All breakdowns happen over time.
The parties involved are usually incognizant of the start or trigger of the breakdown.

Maybe some do, they just didn’t want to admit it.

After all, to admit you’ve been making a mistake for as long as you have, can be a rather intimidating thought.

And so, we amble along with our mistakes until it reaches the breaking point.

And then we ask ourselves what went wrong, when did it begin, why didn’t we see it coming.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, nights, weeks, months and years.

We start looking back for clues to what happened.

It becomes an all consuming obsession; we cry, we blame – ourselves and them.

We exhaust ourselves emotionally and physically seeking the origin of the breakdown so as to avoid it in the future.

But.

We are creatures of habits.

Once we have the origins, the cause – and we realize it’s consequences, will we, do we really learn and avoid making that same mistake again?

Their breakdown began just as everyone else’s.

Quietly and slowly.

It began quite unconsciously really.

It started innocently enough – taking up only a small portion of their lives and time.
Eventually, it got bigger and bigger.

The lies came out and then the messages and emails.

He tried to explain them away, she tried to believe; and then she stopped.

It was the same story over and over again.