And yes, even though I think it’s over rated, that doesn’t mean I don’t think it means something.
It takes a lot of courage to say those 3 little words.
They are like the windows to my soul, those words.
Windows that have been closed because the wind hurt me with their cold harsh ways.
So you see, I’m really just following my nature instincts here to protect myself.
And if you are interested to know, it really does take a while to open up a window that has been jammed shut.
Ask any one who has had the privillege of trying to pry a stuck window open.
It takes time, and not to mention, effort.
So don’t rush me, give me so time.
I can’t, and don’t know how to say them easily.
Its like I have a nature aversion to them – I start stuttering, my tongue gets thick, my palms get sweaty and I feel sick in general.
You get the picture.
I can see how disappointed you are whenever you think “this is it! That’s when she’s gonna say it!”, and I don’t.
Yes, I can see that.. how your little glimmer of hope fades away as I try and change topics.
As time goes by, I see that glimmer less and less, I didn’t know what to think of it other than you giving me time to sort my thoughts out.
I have taken some time, and worked my kinks out, and I’m finally ready to say it.
I love you.
I’ve said it – I love you, more than I expected to actually.
And I’ve started pacing the room, clutching my phone anxiously, waiting for your response.
This. Was. Not. Suppose. To. Happen.
I half expected to ‘hear’ you smileacross the virtual sea at my acknowledgement of my own feelings, but nothing of that sort happened.
You were not supposed cajole these words out of me, and refuse to acknowledge them!
What am I suppose to do now??
Disappointment was starting to kick in, so did dread and anxiety.
The phone was now my arch enemy for the silence it perpetuates.
I laid down in bed, exhausted from all the pacing, anticipating and eventual disappointment.
A few hours later, the enemy finally gives in and rings with an incoming text –
🙂 I know, I love you too..