The agony of wanting

Wanting
1.
lacking or absent: a motor with some of the parts wanting.

2.
deficient in some part, thing, or respect: to be wanting in courtesy.

preposition
3.
lacking; without: a box wanting a lid.

4.
less; minus: a century wanting three years.

The feeling of wanting –
To feel as though your soul was lacking,
Deficient in any inconceviable way;
Is an agony that no one should ever have to go through.

It is an agony that drives men crazy,
In search of the so called truth that many do not find.
It is an agony that drives one to compulsion – form and manner are of your own choice.

Druken reveries, lost in her own thoughts.
Her own world.
Laughing on the outside even though she was dying inside.
Her compulsion leads her through a never ending chase,
Further and further down the rabbit hole.

Because in her reveries,
She is whole.

She is one and she is all.
She is many things that she thought she could never be awake.

In her reveries,
Things made more sense,
As an outsider viewing into her own personal movie.

She laughed at her own naviety,
Her idealistic self.
But when her laughter stopped,
There was only silence.
She knew she had to wake up soon.

This feeling of wanting,
of inadequacy, lacking and deficiency.
Is an agony no one should ever have to go through she thought.

When she finally awakes,
She sees herself as nothing more a mess.
She tries to clean up and do good,
But it never lasts.

And so the cycle goes on and on,
Until she is finally ready to awake.

but until that day comes,
She continues living in this unbearable agony of wanting.

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