Maybe it’s me, not you

24 Sep

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It’s a strange thing really.

I think of you a lot. I’m often wondering what our future will be like together, the bloody awesome things we could be up to together.

The future seems infinite and really exciting.

You were worldly, sophisticated, intelligent and charming. I loved listening to you; every conversation was a learning lesson that led to a discussion and further exploration.

You were that flint, that spark of intellectual challenge I needed badly.
With you, I unlearned my self imposed restrictions and learnt to set my mind free.

You made me a better version of myself.

But things seemed to have changed recently. You’ve become more reclusive, less accommodating and more angst. What happened to your worldly-ness and sophistication?

You seemed to have stopped looking forward and expect the world to revolve around you.

Everything annoys you nowadays.
You think everyone is one level below you; me included. You have an explanation for every phenomenon we see when sometimes, all I want is to appreciate it’s beauty and wonder for what it is.

That awe and wonder I have is what keeps my faith in humanity.

And all I want to do is to admire it quietly, respectfully. Nothing else.

Some things are better left ambigious don’t you think? It makes it all the more amazing and charming, don’t you agree? 

Sometimes I feel like I don’t know you anymore. You taught me not to be a cynic and yet, you are gradually becoming one.

You said you appreciated my independence, but now you seem to want me to be something else.

Our conversations and discussions of the past, have become a thing of the past.

What happened to you?

I know I’m still in love with you, yet at times I don’t.

It’s almost like you are no longer the person I fell in love with.

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Maybe I’ve outgrown you.

Maybe it’s just me, and not you.

Maybe is such a dirty, hopeful yet ambiguous word.

I don’t like maybes.

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6 Responses to “Maybe it’s me, not you”

  1. abrainwithfeet September 24, 2012 at 10:28 pm #

    Oh man… That’s heavy…
    I hope all goes well… But a funnt question came to mind, “are we still in love with the person now or are we in love with the person who we used to know?”

    • panalyah September 24, 2012 at 11:18 pm #

      Good point! I ask myself that sometimes.. I think it’s unavoidable that people change over the course of time and perhaps to love someone truly deeply enough, that would mean embracing the new him/her?
      But if the person was no longer who you fell in love with then what happens? Do we really want to carry on and maybe try and accept the new him/her or do we start all over again?
      I would think I’d be able to meet someone who is a cross between the two sides of the coin, retain enough of what I fell in love with while creating or developing a new aspect to him?

      I think I’m asking too much… If there really was a man like that he’d be everybody’s dream guy eh? Ha

      • abrainwithfeet September 25, 2012 at 12:01 am #

        Dream guys are dangerous my dear. We tend to expect too much from the person amd at the start, we focus on his points that match the dream guy in our minds. We are all excited because he seems to be the one we’ve been looking for for so long and we tend to forget that he is not the one. We forget that the dream guy doesn’t exist. We forget that this person is a person on his own and not just someone who resembles our dream guy.

        I feel that we should love the person and not the person’s qualities. We should not love him because he is nice and shit like that. The love that we feel should be drawn from the conmection the we feel with the person. It should come from your relationship as two seperate individuals. Then we find ourselves in a relationship with a person through a certain period of time and we inevitably change. (for better or for worse) then the love that we share should be the glue that bonds us together…

        But if the bond is not enough for us to stay then we should be happy. We should be happy because we broke up because love was not enough. It is sad i’m sure. But at least we we’re honest enough to accept that this person is not really the dream guy that we hoped for. He’s just the guy that WAS worth our sweetest dreams.

  2. panalyah September 25, 2012 at 4:16 pm #

    Ha..! to be honest, i’ve never set out to look for that dream guy.
    It would be perfect if they exist, but I think I like imperfections a little better..ha

    And I totally agree about breaking up happy.. it sounds kind sadistic but I always thought is things dont work out, its always better to end the agony earlier than prolong it.

    You’d cry but after that all is well again

  3. col3neg October 8, 2012 at 4:32 am #

    Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you penning this article and also the rest of the website is also really good.

    • panalyah October 9, 2012 at 6:04 pm #

      ha! thanks! I hope I can continue writing stuff that would interest people..ha

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